College Orientation

Orientation.

Harmony swarms my mind as I realign myself.

The clouds of self-doubt, anger, leave me.

The purpose returns. I find meaning.

Was it I who did this?

Is this a dream?

Can I achieve Clarity?

Can I always push out the ravenous thoughts that ravage my mind and makes it go blury.

Yes.

I have done it before many a time, though when it returns I forget.

How did I do it?

How did I escape my mind prison?

In many ways, though it changes often.

Overcoming an obstacle seldom is done in only one way.

Sometimes it is through another person,

At times it is through an accomplishment,

At times it is when I do something unexpected like moving all of the couches in the living room.

Or suddenly change some habit, like going to bed early or late, or eating something different.

Or Eliminating destructive behaviors.

I have done something today and I want to remember it.

Fear

Fear

Every day I am confronted with things that make me fear. Talking to people, buying things, confronting teachers, girls. The fear clouds my mind and makes me doubt. I wonder if I am the same person I was 2 months ago, or even the same as 5 minutes ago. This thought makes me sad. I remember being so happy. I remember having difficulty at that time also. I remember setting goals and making plans to change those problems. But every time I sit down to write them now, I get distracted. When I do make a goal or a plan I forget about it. I remember being disciplined with Facebook, with the Phone, with my time. Now every time I get on the computer or the phone I immediately go to Facebook, or a game. I remember positively speaking with my companions, the people in my District, the people in the zone. Telling them how much I love them, how much I care about them. Now I talk only with myself without friends. I remember how easily it was to make a friend and show my personality. Now I feel that I cannot do anything out of the ordinary lest people notice.

I know. I know that these doubts are just my anxiety. I know that I can set goals and change this behavior. I know that I am still Donovan Welch. I know that this situation is not permanent. I know how to overcome. The core of my mission was Love in Jesus Christ. I did everything out of love. I did things I feared out of love. I love Christ still, but what more do I love? What do I care about? When I come to this question in my mind, it becomes clouded, it changes the subject, it sweeps it away. I love Singing. I cannot say that I love those around me. I love accomplishing things. I came straight to the University because I believed that it would help me love the people around me. I love swimming, though I feel lonely as I swim alone. I love flying kites though again I miss someone to talk to… Perhaps what I fear is being alone.

I suppose that what my actions have shown in the past week or 2 or 3 is that I love technology more than God, more than Family, more than Singing. Perhaps not technology itself but rather its idle thrills, its information. I must change my actions. If I love something more than singing, then why sing? Why practice when I can do something more… How then do I change my desire?

I search through the scriptures and I hear the whisper “pray”

real talk

Zoe a letter to you.

A letter to you 

Dear you 
Remember who you are. 
Remember to be real. 
Remember to love and you will be loved in return.
Remember that blue eyes and dimples are overrated and your hazel ones will do just fine. 
Remember that your short legs work just as well as the long ones you've always wanted. 
And remember that your ACT score does not define you.
Remember that there are better days ahead.
Remember that your first heartbreak wont be the last.
And that's okay.
It just means that there's more people who you get to love.
Remember that you live in a world where hating yourself is normal.
But please remember that its acceptable to love yourself too.

The Cure

To my sadness, Plays make me laugh

To my Anger, music soothes me

To my Happiness, perspective gives me empathy

To my disgust, provoked thought gives me insight

To my depression, Music makes me feel.

The arts are the Cure.

Donovan is my True Penname.

Our real names hide us more than our pen names.
Some of you know me as that undercover guy that works for the government and tries to buy cigarettes.
Some of you may know me as the silent kid. The Guy that sings loud in seminary when everybody else is barely audible.
Some know me only by the picture.
The person who tried to look at you in the hallway, but you didn't look back, and I laughed.
I find hallway politics amusing.
Perhaps you know my favorite colour, but I lied, I change the colour every time someone asks. It really is a strange question.
I am Donovan Welch

you probably only know my name. Perhaps my Face.

and probably think that sums up my entire existence.

I find that amusing also.

Let me help you know me.
1. My face is a mask.
2. My reputation is a mask.
3. I don't care for popularity. I find it amusing.
4. My mask is sometimes a mask to mask my mask.
5. I usually don't talk to people unless they come to me.
6. I don't judge people, I let people prove themselves to me.
7. My Mask only comes off if yours comes off. 
8. I can be very good at hiding my introvertedness.
9. Reading scares me, too many times I feel like I'm in the book I'm reading.
10. I myself have forgotten what under my mask looks like.
11. I can't stop myself from singing loud in seminary, I'm already as quiet as I can without going crazy.

What True Music Sounds Like

What to listen to when you want to woo someone.
What to listen to when life is too serious
what to listen to when life is complicated
Music for when life makes sense
What to listen to when you feel the urge to flirt.
Music for the insanity
Music for figuring out life
What to listen to when you're abandoned
What to listen to when life is to loud.