Thinking out of the depression bubble

 Things I am good at:

Singing

Thinking logically

Reading

Listening to other people

Talking to people in a way where we are able to have a good discussion instead of arguing aka talking with Grandma Welch

Confidence sometimes

Swimming

Finding motivation

Taking Lead and making sure everyone is included, also being the person who can focus at any time

Helping my Grandma 

Deep questions

Having interesting music

Beat Saber

A lot of video games

Nut Meg

Finding useful applications of technology

Creative

Lateral thinking

Spanish

Learning languages

Dead-pan comedy

Singing

Putting myself in other peoples shoes before judging.

Putting people before numbers

Caring too much

Swords game

Driving

Eating healthy

Practice music skills

Traveling

Not worrying too much about the details

Keeping a secret

Giving good gifts

Not using phone during conversations

Binge watching/reading

Holding by breath

Good calves

Whales

Good sport

Good at sports

Learning how to ice skate every time I go to the ice skating rink

Caring for people who nobody else wants to care for. 

Air cannon

Puns

Family

Cooking

Drawing

Naturally strong

Settlers of Catan

Chess

Minesweeper

Not racist

I call people out on being racist

Piano

Cliff jumping

My OWN Misery

 If my misery is my own fault, who am I to blame?

Is it ok to blame myself? 

The misery only deepens if I do so....

Do I blame God?

While he is to blame, he also erases that blame with Jesus...

Churches say to give up your misery to Jesus.

But what if I want to be miserable?

What if that is the only feeling that keeps me from deeper feelings?

Should I blame my first grade teacher for ignoring me?

She made me fear asking for help.

Now when I feel rage, or when I feel like a deep empty well, it just echoes onto myself.

When I try to talk about it with someone, deep, deep misery clouds my mind.

I feel like my panic attacks have gone away at the cost of my emotion.

If I let emotion in  it destroys me.

If I love someone and let it show, all I see is the moment that that love is ended.

Misery.

If I get excited about something, all I can see is the moment that it will end.

This is depressing.

I feel fake.

Empty.

When I turn to God, I just feel self hate.

I hate myself.

I hate myself for hating myself.

Should I really unload that on somebody?

Should I talk to someone about it?

I have a lot of friends.

I have family who loves me.

I have teachers who would do anything for me.

I don't know.

Thanks for listening void of the thing I did in Highschool.