unrequited love.

Power to be positive and have great self respect. 

I broke up with someone today. 

We never even went on a date as a couple. 

I proclaimed my feelings for her and she said that she wanted to date me and see what happens

We did one thing after that, watching psych, but she did homework the whole time. I felt disappointed. 

I texted a few times and she responded sparingly. I sensed it was going nowhere. She finally after only one week said she was seeing someone else, and they were farther along. That I was but a friend. 

The pain I expected to feel that I have felt so many times did not come. 

Perhaps it was because of sleep deprivation or perhaps it was because of God,

Perhaps it was the training I recieved on the mission to combat rejection. Perhaps it was all of it at once.

I only felt a tinge of sadness, and I didn't lose my mind. 

I felt analytical of what was to be done next. 

I felt that the trait I liked the most in this girl is her power to communicate. I want to keep that trait, and look for more. 

I felt I had patience, a bit too much. 

I feel

I feel emptiness.

I feel frustrated.

I feel like every step I take forward is diminished

I feel like my head is going to explode even when I don't have a headache

I feel like my vision gets blurred whenever I think of something that would be hard to do.

At the same time I feel calm when faced with an challenging, confident that I will be able to hurtle it.

I feel like I am avoiding something. Avoiding everything

I feel like whenever I speak I have a weird accent. And everything comes out wrong.

I feel like I have solid goals and plans, yet I don't have the devotion to them to see them through.

I feel tense.

I know that all of these negative feelings are only temporary. 

I know that  I have control over my emotions.

I know that it is because I literally did nothing today that I am feeling this. 

I know that when I do something. Anything. I will feel better.

I know that these benefits are helping me become a better person when I choose to do something with it.

Emptiness doesn't scare me.

I know how to talk to people with accent or no accent.

I know that I can adapt.

I don't yet know the limits to my knowledge, my strength, my mental health.

I am not afraid.

I am not afraid of spiders.

I am not afraid of heights.

I am not afraid to be alone.

I am afraid of having these feelings all the time.